1. (In staff pose, sitting with legs straight in front and reaching for my toes) I need to repaint my toenails, but what color? Maybe a neutral pink…I like bright pinks though and I’m still tan…I need to shave my legs tomorrow….I'm ashy...
2. (In bridge pose, feet planted to the floor, hips lifted to the ceiling) This feels so good, and yep, my back just popped, I wonder if anyone heard that…(looks in mirror) ew, bridge pose is not sexy…
3. (While in downward dog) Oh my gosh, why is there hair on my mat? Whose hair is that? Gross. They don’t ever clean the floors in here. I need to stop looking around and relax my neck. That feels better. Is my shirt coming up?
4. (Happy baby, lying on back holding the inside of your feet shoulder distance apart, knees bent) Yay! My favorite pose! I don’t care how inappropriate this looks, this is the most comfortable pose ever. Do babies really do this? Who comes up with the names of these poses?
5. (In chaturanga, push up position hovering over the floor) Whatever, I’m laying down, I’m not even attempting this. OMG, that old man is so strong! Why can’t I do this?
6. (In triangle pose) Do not forget to call _______ back. My hair is falling down. Oooh, it’s tickling my nose. I can kiss my knee.
7. (Warrior III) I don’t get this, how does this look like a warrior? It should be called wolf pose because I feel like I’m howling at the moon. Oh! Cramp in the back, cramp in the back!
8. (In cobra) How long has she been doing yoga? I love her voice. She’s so nice. Maybe it’s the endorphins from teaching so many classes. Maybe working out makes you nice.
9. (Relaxation pose) The music makes me feel tingly. My face feels tingly. I feel the ocean waves washing over me. Why can’t I ever feel like this when I try to go to sleep? I wonder if I should get a sound machine. I hate falling asleep to noise though. But I love this. Maybe I’m relaxed, but my mind is still active. Maybe I can’t really fall asleep in here.
10. (Affirmation time) I love that she speaks an affirmation over us! What will it be this week? Do not forget what it is so you can put it on Facebook. This is like lectio divina, she says it three times and gives you time for it to sink it. OK, don’t forget. Oh, I do love life. It’s so true. Wait, was it “I love life, and I’m happy I’m alive” or “I love life, and I’m grateful to be a part of it?” “I’m thankful I’m a part of it?” Whatever. I love life. I love lamp. Haha.