Thursday, October 29, 2009
On the road again
I’ve had a lot of people ask me if I’m teaching, and I guess I’ve been keeping secrets (I love secrets). I’m subbing right now as I finish an alternative certification program. The more I’m in the classroom the more I realize this is such the right thing for me to be doing. I feel as though throughout my life I always come to forks in the road and choose to go left when I should go right. Usually the journey still has its memorable moments, and wonderful friends are always met, but about halfway I realize I should have gone a different route. This has happened many, many times. A few years ago I faced this fork, and chose to go to seminary rather than go into teaching. I can honestly say that from the very beginning I knew I had made the wrong decision. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy learning, and some of the professors, and the people I met, but from the very start I knew that my “ministry” would not take place in a church. So I pondered social work, and thankfully I lived with two social workers, because while they loved what they were doing I knew that wasn’t exactly what I wanted either.
And so two years later…nearly three really…I’m back where I started. But this time I know where I want to be (with friends and family and in the city) and where I’m going. And it’s such a good feeling. It’s a peace I haven’t felt for truly more than 3 years. I think the constant feeling of anxiety was part of my everyday life, and it only caused concerned when, say, I couldn’t sleep for days straight or I had massive panic attacks.
Throughout high school I had it in my head I was going to be a teacher, then my senior year I started having a lot of doubts and became very indecisive. This indecisiveness stayed with me through college (hello, I changed my major 13 times). All that to say, I have not felt doubt or anxiety to the level I had grew accustomed to during these last few months. I have only felt affirmation by being in the classroom, and encouragement from friends and family. Of course, my mother always new this is what I would end up doing (how do mothers always know?)
Post to come soon about my training for my first two back-to-back half marathons!